Ragdolls are, by their very nature, social beings. They flit, sometimes flirt with either gender just because it's fun, and chat; they love to chat. They were admonished on almost every single report card for being too chatty. So, if there's one thing that brings a ragdoll down, it's loneliness. And while I've been talking a lot about this to other people in my life, and as this blog isn't really of the confessionary sort (see Scarbie, who remains far better at baring her soul than I do), I don't normally go into too much detail about my personal life.
You never know who might be reading, right?
But today, today I feel the need to share. I've got a great work life, don't get me wrong, but as I left a place where I was constantly surrounded by people I could chat with, people I could goof around with and people I could, well, feel like I'm friends with, I'm feeling a little out of sorts at my new job. It hasn't really been that long and it's really not why you're at work, and I don't have a negative thing to say about a single person I work with, as they are all lovely, lovely people, it's just been a long time since I was the 'new girl.'
High school was particularly traumatic if only because I lost my mom at the beginning of it and simply didn't recover by the end of it. I caught the crazy disease, and things were slightly insane with my father. So, I decided to go far away to university. Not another province, but as far away as I could get within reason. What a mistake! With the exception of my cousin, again, who is lovely and who saved me more times than I can count when we were at school, I had no friends. I cried a lot, felt strange and awkward, and did a lot of listening to moody music and walking around in combat boots. It's not until right now that I've figured out it's because I was probably lonely.
That's another thing about ragdolls: they're sometimes a bit slow to get to the point.
Here I am again feeling a bit glum, a bit down in the dumps, and I think I've put my finger on it: I'm lonely. I miss having a buddy to go to lunch with or grab a cup of tea with, all of those things you do at work with your work friends. I'm sure it's just a phase, and in a couple of weeks I'll have turned it all around and found my place here, but for right now, I'm feeling a little like the grade eight girl at the dance who's standing by herself in the corner rocking back and forth to "Somebody."
And I don't expect a chorus of "awwws" (as such from the Smiling Otter's Writing Group last night) because it's really not THAT big a deal, it's just kind of hard when you'd love to talk to someone other than yourself.