Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Confessions Of An Office Nature

Ragdolls are, by their very nature, social beings. They flit, sometimes flirt with either gender just because it's fun, and chat; they love to chat. They were admonished on almost every single report card for being too chatty. So, if there's one thing that brings a ragdoll down, it's loneliness. And while I've been talking a lot about this to other people in my life, and as this blog isn't really of the confessionary sort (see Scarbie, who remains far better at baring her soul than I do), I don't normally go into too much detail about my personal life.

You never know who might be reading, right?

But today, today I feel the need to share. I've got a great work life, don't get me wrong, but as I left a place where I was constantly surrounded by people I could chat with, people I could goof around with and people I could, well, feel like I'm friends with, I'm feeling a little out of sorts at my new job. It hasn't really been that long and it's really not why you're at work, and I don't have a negative thing to say about a single person I work with, as they are all lovely, lovely people, it's just been a long time since I was the 'new girl.'

High school was particularly traumatic if only because I lost my mom at the beginning of it and simply didn't recover by the end of it. I caught the crazy disease, and things were slightly insane with my father. So, I decided to go far away to university. Not another province, but as far away as I could get within reason. What a mistake! With the exception of my cousin, again, who is lovely and who saved me more times than I can count when we were at school, I had no friends. I cried a lot, felt strange and awkward, and did a lot of listening to moody music and walking around in combat boots. It's not until right now that I've figured out it's because I was probably lonely.

That's another thing about ragdolls: they're sometimes a bit slow to get to the point.

Here I am again feeling a bit glum, a bit down in the dumps, and I think I've put my finger on it: I'm lonely. I miss having a buddy to go to lunch with or grab a cup of tea with, all of those things you do at work with your work friends. I'm sure it's just a phase, and in a couple of weeks I'll have turned it all around and found my place here, but for right now, I'm feeling a little like the grade eight girl at the dance who's standing by herself in the corner rocking back and forth to "Somebody."

And I don't expect a chorus of "awwws" (as such from the Smiling Otter's Writing Group last night) because it's really not THAT big a deal, it's just kind of hard when you'd love to talk to someone other than yourself.



Kerry said...

I used to rock back and forth alone to In These Arms by Bon Jovi. Everyone else was getting their bum felt, but I just had to shift from foot to foot...


Alias Grace said...

I'd go for coffee with you in a second if I still lived in Toronto!

Here's a virtual one instead:

Carey said...

De-lerking to say I totally know how you feel - I work in an office with all guys and I totaaly miss "girl" time I had at my previous job. Might I suggest you pick one person a week to invite for lunch or tea and see iof you can find your new best work friend, or a group. That worked for me at my last job.

Have a great weekend!!

Orange Blossom Goddess (aka Heather) said...

Carey's idea is great!!!

Janet said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Janet said...

I can commiserate, as my two closest office pals are both gone as of the last two months. We should have coffee.