Dark Days Ahead

It was my monthly check up at the doctor's on Monday. Thankfully, we had an extra-long long weekend and I had the day off. While I was upset at the time, the more I think about the visit, the sadder I get. My kidney function continues to be poor, so much so that he finally gave up the ghost in terms of the CellCept, admitting the drug sort of failed me. Now, I'm back on imuran, which is fine; it's a drug I've taken before and know works, but my creatinine level has never been this high before (it's at 139, a normal level is around 60), and I'm scared of all kinds of things. Not having my kidneys, having to do dialysis, having to have a transplant, being on meds for a long, long time, never being able to have a family, all kinds of stuff that make a tough year even tougher.

A couple of weeks ago, I read this article (link via Confessions of an Idiosyncratic Mind) by Nancy Pate about how hard it is to be a writer when dealing with a debilitating auto-immune disease. I felt better knowing that, of course, I'm not the only one dealing with this stuff, but at least Pace is making a living from her pen still. I've stopped writing professionally with the exception of the abridged classics and wonder if I'll ever have the energy to do anything substantial again.