Suburban Saturday Night

My stepmother had a fundraiser for her local branch of [Insert name of bland non-urban suburb here]" Crime Supporters. It was a completely surreal evening. Totally fun in a completely surreal sort of way. We drank way too much because what the hell else is there to do at the crazy suburban arena where I grew up watching my brother's hockey games, eating stale popcorn and never wanting to learn how to play ringette. Thank goodness girls are playing hockey these days.

To make the evening even more strange, I ran into one of my best girlfriend's from high school. We haven't spoken in at least ten years. She's got three kids and her husband sort of looks like John C. Reilly, but he works in Waste Management, and she has no idea what he does. In her own words, "I don't really ask." They've got three kids, which is also strange because she was the most f**ked up girl I ever knew. Her own mother used to lock her in her room for days and, at one point, she poured Draino or something equally harsh into her mother's tea because she was so sick of how she treated her. Makes you hope that she's learned from her mistakes and that she's a better mother than the one that raised her.

She often came to school completely loaded and would do the strangest things. Sleep with the boys I loved, mess around with my cousin, pretend she was pregnant -- and once let a bunch of people in my house to have a party when my dad and brother were up north and I was at camp.

But now she lives [insert the name of a bland suburb here] and seems to have turned her life around. Her dad, who was a lovely man, died about eight months ago from liver cancer, which is quite sad. Funny how you remember people you once knew in a certain way and can't really conceive of them not walking the Earth any longer.

All in all it was the stuff Adam Sandler films are made of. A totally rude MC making obscene cracks about people's breasts as they came up to win door prizes. My Rock and Roll Boyfriend drinking 1.5 bottles of wine and me dancing with someone I've known my whole life and his crazy wife to a really bad funked up version of one of my favourite Bob Marley songs. Where you just have to cackle as the sweet couples are dancing around you like it's a wedding reception and there are women wearing ball gowns they bought at the mall that night just for this special occasion.