Wednesday, October 08, 2008

You Don't Know How It Feels

I'm listening to a playlist on iTunes that I just call "Favourite Songs" as I pack for my cousin's wedding in Vancouver. Right now, it's Tom Petty's "You Don't Know How It Feels," the next song is Neko Case's "In California," and at least I'm not listening to The Raconteurs again.

My dress that I ordered online hasn't shown up yet and I'm afraid it won't get here before I have to leave on Friday. And I'm not sleeping again. The week I had the drugs was good but I'm always so stoned in the mornings, which makes it even harder to get through the already hard days that I decided I'd stop taking them until I really needed them again.

I wish I knew when I'd feel better. I wish I knew where the end of it all would be. I guess that's how it goes, right? I do feel more myself. But my heart's not in a lot of things. I turned in a manuscript that wasn't great -- no that needs a lot of work -- and I haven't looked at the novel in weeks.

September just disappeared. Whoosh and then it's fall and colder and I have no fresh vegetables and nothing growing and my stomach won't settle and I miss so many different pieces of my life that I don't even know where to start putting them all back together again.

I think I'll start tagging these posts "gloomy gus" and maybe I'll start trying to find things a little more inspiring to talk about. Wait, I've got one -- there will be dancing at the wedding. I love dancing.

4 comments:

Carpe Diem said...

It does get easier ...it just takes time my dear, hang in there and you're in my thoughts and all that other stuff. Have a good weekend, and don't worry about anything, just go and have fun.

Carpe xxx

indigo herself said...

i was supposed to go to my cousin's wedding also in vancouver this weekend but had to bail. i wonder if you are related on her side. kevin and miel. just in case. you never know.

Words and Guitar said...

So, you totally don't know me, but I hope things turn around for the better soon.

ragdoll said...

Thanks all -- for the kind words.

Indigo -- it's Cam and Krista. So not related but definitely kindred.