Blue Skies And Sweatshirts

The rain continued all day yesterday. But that didn't stop us from exploring the city in depth. We took the Metro to the Arc du Triomphe, wandered up and down the Champs Elysse, stepped off the beaten path for pastries, had some fab fruit salad, and then wandered back up. We were wet and tired but there's not much you can do about it and we had umbrellas, so... The area around Av Victor Hugo was quite amazing (we were walking toward the stores where they sell all the designer goods second hand; still, a purse cost 440 euros) and we had lunch: white asperagus; salad with goat cheese and bread. I did almost buy a Prada skirt but alas it was not the right size. Damn you Italian sizes. Plus, we really needed Scarbie to tell us what to buy. We didn't have the patience necessarily to crawl through all of the racks. Although, the fashionistas around were quite spectacular.

Then we took the Metro to the old Opera house, discovered Gallerie Lafayette, did some shopping and then raced down to take a boat cruise on the Siene. I must admit, I was skeptical. Too touristy, too cheesy, too much rain, but we sat down on wet chairs outside and were awed by the views of Notre Damn, Louvre, the Eiffel Tower, the place where Marie Antoinette was beheaded, and the Musee D'Orsay and its magnificient clocks, and by then I thought my feet my fall off. But after the rest of the rocking boat, we were ready to find some dinner (it was 10 PM by this point).

Today it's Monmartre, shopping, yarn stores, Cafe Flore, the oldest church in Paris, and the rest of the writers walking tour. And whatever else we can squeeze into the next twelve hours.

It's Raining In Paris Right Now

We have a fabulously low-key apartment in Bastille right around the corner from the Marais where we shopped like crazy on Sunday. Saturday was spent hanging out with Tina, getting into the apartment, napping and then having a really nice lunch and dinner. Yesterday we went to the Louvre, which was madness. Absolute insanity. A whole whack of people who should probably learn to appreciate art in their every day lives and not jam up lines and ask the only ticket taker where the farking Mona Lisa sits. In the end, I meandered slowly around the Flemish and French sections, and came upon Holbein's Anne of Cleves, which made my day. The two Vermeer's in the gallery are also spectacular, but the more popular paintings are often crowded by pushy people and tours.

Then we took the Metro to the start of the "Bookworm" walk in our Lonely Planet guide. From Hemingway's apartment to Shakespeare and Company to the pub where Kerouac and Ginsberg drank (I had two half pints). We saw one of the oldest churches in Paris, the remains of St Genvieve and Ici Repose le Coeur, which is the heart of someone named Voisine. I just like the translation: Here Lies the Heart. Perhaps a good title for a novel.

I've bought a sweater, a couple funky shirts and a super-cute skirt and today we might walk the Champs Elysses and walk up the Arc and, of course, do more shopping. We had thought about going to Brussels but the train tickets are expensive, the weather less than exeptional and we have our apartment here for the whole week. I only wish that it would stop raining. It's not Ireland for heaven's sake.

I'm a little homesick, especially at night, for my RRHB, my cats, my own bed, but we're managing. The food is unbelievable.

One More Sleep

This time tomorrow night Sam and I will be on a plane and will by flying somewhere near the ocean. We are headed to Paris for Tina's wedding. So far, I'm all packed (as much as I think I'm packed) and hideously behind in everything else. Our house is in a complete tip: there's dust everywhere; my clothes are in piles all over the bedroom; and there's a hairball on the cat's bed that I've ignored for, um, three days now.

Today is my RRHB's birthday too. We celebrated on the weekend with dinner at this amazing restaurant down the street from us called Foxley. The meal was honestly spectacular. So much so that he was still raving about it the next day when we were wandering around the antique shop near Aberfoyle (I definitely should have bought the lamp) on Saturday. Then we stopped by my parents house for dinner. My ridiculously generous stepmother was cleaning our her closet and decided to loan me her gorgeous Louis V. for the foreseeable future (poorly lit and pictured above). How delicious!

Now almost a whole other week has passed and I can't believe this time tomorrow I'll be on my way to another continent. Thank goodness the dress I ordered online to wear to the wedding a) arrived and b) fits. Whew.

Okay! Back to packing and I'll be back in 10 days. If we find an internet cafe, I'll try to update, but chances are I'll be offline and unable to understand a French keyboard.

Oh Gawker, Yawn

Loving to hate remains one of the most entertaining reasons for reading Gawker. But sometimes, sometimes you need to roll your eyes. They've had a hate-on for James Frey ever since the story broke, which means that this latest barrage of "investigative" journalism around his novel should come as no surprise. But my only question is when should people just start burying the hatchet and letting it all go? There's a disclaimer at the beginning of the book that reads simply: "Nothing in this book should be considered accurate or reliable." So I know it's an easy potshot to take then, muddling about in what I'd consider to be the lesser aspects of the novel, the multiple lists and "fun facts."

Although the Gawker piece is tongue-in-cheek, it must get tiring to be writing and reporting the same old story again and again. But in the same sense, you'd think Frey would learn the lesson, and maybe double check whether or not actual facts are correct. In the end, though, I guess it'll continue to be an easy criticism to make and to level against him, regardless of how many books he manages to sell in his lifetime.

#36 - The Secret History

Donna Tartt's epic The Secret History feels at times over-wrought, over-written and perhaps many, many pages too long. That said, holy crap did this novel grab me by the toes and pull me in from beginning to end. To summarize: it's the story of a young, unhappy man from Plano, California who finds himself embroiled in a murderous plot at an exclusive college (called Hampden) in Vermont. But the book is also so much more than that -- it's the dramatic coming of age for a young man who searches for something exciting and finds himself deeply embroiled in events that will change his life forever.

The narrator, Richard Papen, has had an ugly childhood: his parents are typically unhappy, he's poor, an only child, and longs for a world far different from the one he grew up within. Enter Hampden College. And even better, enter his acceptance into a small fraternity of students, six including Richard, that study Greek under an epic teacher named Julian Morrow.

The group's leader, Henry, a wickedly smart (he speaks six languages or something crazy like that), embarrassingly rich fellow who controls the group. Besides Richard and Henry, there's Charles and Camilla (twins), Francis, and Bunny (real name Edmund). All five were reared at prep or private school, and all five both accept and reject Richard at the same time. The secret history of the novel's title revolves around the events that fall out of a weekend where the core five, Richard excluded, attempt to create a true bacchanal in the woods around Francis's property. It's impossible for any of them to move forward beyond the events that happened over those few days and the book meditates on those moments in your life that impact where you'll end up, the idea of a ruinous youth, and the consequences to thoughtless actions.

Tartt unravels the novel like a mystery with masterful suspense. Richard slowly goes through the motions of telling the story, which has become 'the only one he'll ever be able to tell,' to the reader and in part finally letting the history consume him once again if only to finally let it all go. Elements of Highsmith and other solid British writers (Tartt's an American) sneak into her prose and characterization (Henry is a solid Ripley-esque fellow, right down to his glasses), and I found the most frustrating part of the narrative never knowing exactly when the novel is set. But in the end, it's a terrific book that sucks you right in and would be perfect for summer reading up at the cottage when it's cold (like today) and raining (like today) and all you're looking to do is curl up by the fire with a good, hair-raising story.

READING CHALLENGES: Believe it or not, The Secret History is on the 1001 Books list, and so it was on my particular challenge list for this year. I think I might be slightly behind the whole 1001 Books challenge for now, having given up Huck for the present time.

WHAT'S UP NEXT: Saints of Big Harbour, a nonfiction book that I started while waiting for the osteopath this afternoon called High Crimes, and whatever I'm going to take to Paris (probably the two IMPAC books I actually have and anything else that'll fit in my suitcase and, of course, a Jane Austen because I always love to read her on a plane).

But...

I love my shoes. Or I should say that I love shoes. But these Vivo Barefoot's look pretty interesting too.

A Not-Quite There Poem

I've been going through old writing today and picking up threads of stories that I had always meant to finish. Just typed an email to a friend saying that now that I've finished one book I honestly think that I'll be able to finish another and another. But perhaps the sunshine and free time are making me a bit euphoric. Here's an old poem that I've been rewriting this afternoon.

Churchill

He pulls me away, with
a voice that equals your own,
strips you clean,
and leaves me knowing
incomparable middle class suffering.

Stands there with a strength
that comes from foreign places,
with names I can’t countdown,
places in the mine, places
where I have not yet spent time.

The next one had a reedy voice,
shiny shoes, short tie, lively banjo.
I couldn’t get that song out
of my head, enduring
train ride, a long walk, a whistle.

The fitness in his hands,
cracked, scared, calloused,
that when they touched me,
bear me to run away, a place
by the river, sweater that wasn’t mine.

Another Saturday

My RRHB is working again today. And I was going to spend today making a list of all the things I wanted to bring to Paris, but I was going to try to pack lightly, a couple of good skirts, a cute dress or two, and that's about it. That leaves more room in the suitcase for items to bring home. But I haven't written a stitch since I gave the book to my friend in editorial and I've been missing it. Missing the book. Missing the process. But knowing that it's such a mess and needs some outside help. I think she's going to try to get it back to me when we're back from Paris, and then I'll start rewriting like a mad woman until the end of the summer. That gives me three good months before my next internal deadline: September 1st. Now the question is: what do I write until then?

#35 - See the Child

David Bergen's lyrical, gut-wrenching and tragic novel surprised me. I picked it up on a whim, trying to satisfy my Manitoba requirement for The Canadian Book Challenge, from a pile of books that were about to be sent back to the warehouse. Am I ever glad that I did.

The story of a middle-aged man who lives in small-town Manitoba, See the Child begins with a tragedy, as do so many good, Canadian literary novels. A knock on the door wakes protagonist Paul. He comes downstairs and expects to see his missing son at the door; instead, Harry, the local police officer, stands in front of him to say that Stephen's dead. The rest of the novel deals with Paul dealing with the loss of his son. Stephen's girlfriend, Nicole, was pregnant at the time of his death and when she and his young grandson come to live with him at his apiary, the young boy, named Sky, becomes his lifeline.

A couple of years ago, I read Bergen's The Time in Between, and it took me months to finish. The book just didn't capture my attention, so I was reticent to try more Bergen. However, this novel had me from the first few pages, I read the book up until the last moment of having to babysit, walked with it home down Lansdowne, and went to bed early so I could finish it after I got home from my cousin's. The narrative stays close to Paul. And it's not that we feel his suffering, we see it, in his actions, in his conversations, in how he almost abandons his life from before when his son was alive. It's a novel about small town life, and has strong resonances of Margaret Laurence, which is probably why I liked it so much.

READING CHALLENGES & WHAT'S UP NEXT: As I mentioned, this is Manitoba for The Canadian Book Challenge. That's 10 out of the 13 to make my cross-country reading adventure. I'm still a bit stumped by Nunavut, but I've got Nova Scotia (Saints of Big Harbour) at the ready to dive into after I finish Donna Tartt's exceptional (so far) The Secret History.

#34 - Bright Shiny Morning

I'm going to start off my review by confessing a number of things:

1. I work for the company that published Bright Shiny Morning.
2. I came down hard on the side of Frey over the whole Oprah debacle.
3. I did not read My Friend Leonard, but loved A Million Little Pieces.
4. I believe Frey to be an extremely talented writer.

Now with all of that out of the way, I think it's important also to note that it's impossible to read Bright Shiny Morning outside of the context of what happened to its author. The characters are all deeply scarred by life, by their own actions and by the harsh nature of the world in general. That's as far as I'll go in terms of imprinting an author's psyche onto his work.

When I started the novel on Friday evening on the subway ride home, I wanted to ignore the world and simply read it until I was finished. Lucky for me, my RRHB had to work on Saturday so I did not leave my room until I had read all 501 pages. And the thank yous. And my first thoughts upon finishing the book was not unlike what Thom Geier over at Entertainment Weekly opined. Once done, I said to myself, "Huh, where's the story?"

I got out of bed, pulled the covers up, tidied the pillows, sat back down and decided I was all wrong in my thinking. It's not so much where's the story but what's the story. And the city is the story. The book is Los Angeles. From its beginnings (told in chronological order in parallel to the various stories that have physical characters in them) to its current state: polluted, prolific, rich, brilliant, troubled, lost, found and a whole host of other descriptors pregnant with meaning. Throughout the novel, there are 4 key storylines that thread the book together, that break through the setting (which includes many, many other characters, which go beyond their usual narrative importance and simply become setting themselves) and hold the book together: a young couple that leave abusive homes to find their fortune in LA; an American-born Mexican girl struggling to find her way; a closeted superstar with a functional marriage and dysfunctional obsessions; and a homeless man who lives near Venice Beach in a bathroom.

Frey's unique writing style, his lack of punctuation, his driving, aching prose, reaches out off the page and right into your emotional core. When life collapses all around the characters, as it does, Frey's ability to convey the events that cause their downfalls is matter of fact. Not without emotion, but with a driving honesty that enables one to come to grips with the sheer force of unhappiness in all its glory. That's not to say there aren't happy parts to the book, but there's a lot of realistic unhappiness too, as if he's taking the Hollywood dream and showing it from every angle the cameras won't capture. It's as if he's taken the idea of honesty and pulled it apart, driven it to new heights, and then broken it all apart again just to make sure we get it.

And we do, get it.

By the end of the book, I felt despite the cliches (and there are some, they are unavoidable), despite the slightly frustrating epic-like lists, and despite my own craving for more about the 4 main stories, I closed the cover extremely satisfied. Satisfied in the sense that there are many writers trying to push the boundaries of fiction and the form of the novel, but none who can do it so publicly as Frey. His name will push the novel onto the bestseller list, but his work will show everyone what he's got in him: a tenacious ability to tell a good tale and a need to drive the form of the novel itself in a new direction.

I got up off the bed again, stripped off my pajamas, had a shower, and decided that yes, it's a freaking good book. My thoughts now far more in line with what the NY Times had to say. And I'd highly recommend it to anyone who asks, and I still think Oprah was a fool over it all.

#33 - The Ravine

A few years back, I read Paul Quarrington's Galveston. It was a swift read, from what I can remember, with some rather blush-worthy sex scenes and a grand old sense of humour. And other than seeing Whale Music about sixteen times, I haven't read much else by Quarrington, despite him being a mainstay of Canadian literature and having won Canada Reads this year.

[Note: I am blogging while under the influence of exhaustion so pardon my rambling review].

[And isn't that an AWESOME cover?].

Quarrington's latest novel, The Ravine, is his most semi-autobiographical (In his own words the only difference between he and the main character is the guy's name is Phil. Heh.) book to date. The down-on-his-luck protagonist, freshly separated and eagerly co-parenting, attempts to change his life by writing a novel. Up until now, Phil McQuigge, seduced by the blue glow of the television from a young, impressionable age, has grown into a writer/producer managing to stay on the air in "teevee"-land by running a show called Padre. All his life he's wanted to reach his full potential. All his life he's stopped himself short by the bottle, by male stupidity (he loves his wife; he cheats on his wife) and one tragic event from childhood. In a way, I kind of felt like this was Quarrington's Cat's Eye, only funnier. And kind of goofier. And really self-referential and kind of trippy.

The narrative follows the narrator writing the book that the reader is reading.

Yeah.

At 4 AM it was kind of confusing but it's sure as hell good company. Quarrington's narrative barrels along in its own kind of drunken stupor, tangential, argumentative, full of love and great dialogue. The characters are real. Broken. Amazingly complex, but also brittle and ultimately redemptive.

I know I'm not making much sense tonight. But in a way, it's kind of appropriate. How very Phil of me. Now, I am going to go eat dinner. Tonight I might start David Bergen's See the Child or I might try to finish Huckleberry Finn. Let me just say that when I told my RRHB that I was finding Finn a little boring, he sat up in bed and said, "That's because you have no sense of adventure or imagination." Aw. He really does love me.

Tired Tuesday Twitters

So, I've become mildly obsessed with Twitter. It's so fun! But it's also kind of addictive. I absolutely love the little updates. But perhaps because I'm wicked tired today (I haven't slept since Sunday night) the whole online world is blurring into one giant fuzzy mess.

Baby steps, right? 4 AM came close to breaking my brain in half after many, many hours of reading, drinking tea, reading some more, closing the light, lying there panicked and awake, until I finally decided just to get up. And while I threw up this morning because I was so tired my whole body was upset, I did manage to get the bits of the manuscript revised enough that I'm only mildly embarrassed to give it to my friend in editorial. She's going to do substantive edits, and then I'm going to rewrite the whole book for the second time. I figure that'll take me until the end of the summer (if all goes according to plan) and then by the fall I'll start preparing myself for the rejection that'll come along with trying to find an agent.

The book is still kind of a mess. There are big problems with it but for now I need someone else's eyes and mind to look at it as a whole and tell me where to go next. Even now, I'm amazed I'm still typing.

Saturday Morning Redux

I woke up too early (6:23 AM). Checked email. Took my needle. Went back to bed. Felt bad for my RRHB who had to go to work. Let the cat in. Spoke to my father. Finished the book. Pet the cat. Put my hair up. Drank some water. Ate some cereal. Will now do chores. Write. Go babysit at 5 PM. Hang out with my nephew. Worry about whether or not my eyes are infected. Read stories. Play. Bedtime. Watch a movie. Come home. Then, Sunday.

#32 - The Woman Who Waited

While I have to say that while much Andrei Makine's IMPAC-shortlisted novel, The Woman Who Waited, exists somewhere between lyricism and imagination, much of the book suffers from slightly muddled storytelling. There's also a quirk in his writing that slightly befuddled me: how sentences and dialogue simply trail off with an ellipsis... and then start up with a completely different thought. Maybe it's an attempt for the author to force the story off the page? Maybe it's a way for Makine to foreshadow the ambiguous nature of his main character, a Leningrad scholar to goes to a remote northern village and ends up falling in love with an equally ambiguous woman.

Who knows.

Annnnywaaay. There's are fairy tale elements to the book that I quite enjoyed. Lots of deep, mysterious woods. Plenty of aging old crone-like women. Many figures appearing out of the mist. Goodly amounts of atmospheric hoarfrosty weather. The story goes like this: boy comes of age in an urban environment in Leningrad that's slightly unsatisfying. Listless encounters with the opposite sex lead to drunken fumbling behind the curtain (literally and metaphorically) and our hero sets off to the north on an anthropological mission. He's going to record and study the rituals of the women of Mirnoe, a tiny village obliterated by the Second World War, now populated almost entirely by diminishing families and widows. Among the elderly women lives a 46-year-old woman named Vera who has waited since she was 16 for her soldier to come home to her. He never arrived.

Our narrator becomes fascinated, even obsessed, with Vera, and a strange relationship burgeons between the two. He's intrigued by her story and this drives him to follow her into the woods, to the railway station, into her house. But he's young, foolish, and selfish, and as the novel progresses it becomes obvious that he's incapable of telling her story, as much as he wants to. Ultimately, I think the book, more a novella than a full novel, is worth being read. The setting (which fulfills my Russia component for Around the World in 52 Books) is mysterious, enigmatic and ultimately the most interesting aspect of the novel. It's a lovely little fable, and while so far it hasn't blown me away like Rawi Hage's DeNiro's Game, it was certainly worth the read.

READING CHALLENGES: As well as being Russia (see above), the novel the 3rd title from the IMPAC shortlist I've read so far.

WHAT'S UP NEXT: I indulged in a little something special for myself starting this morning: Paul Quarrington's The Ravine. I'm already over 50 pages in. Then I need to start kicking ass in terms of The Canadian Book Challenge, as I've got two months left to read 4 different provinces. Gack!

Escapism

My RRHB headed out of the house last night to do some recording after we booked our trip to NYC with his parents. We got an exceptionally good deal and we're super-excited to take them (they've never been). Then I sat down and sucked it up and worked for a bit until my eyelids drooped so far down my face that I was afraid they might stay that way. So I took my cup of tea and sat in front of the television and watched Gossip Girl, How I Met Your Mother and Samantha Who?.

It was wicked fun.

Then I noticed that the PVR had recorded a new This American Life. I've only seen a few episodes and was mainly recording it because it's something my RRHB would enjoy. But last night's episode, the first in the second season, was utterly captivating and truly moving. It started off with shots of three inner-city kids plus their mentor riding horses in North Philadelphia. Caring for them. Feeding them. Riding them. Then Ira Glass explained that the theme of the episode was the idea of escape and what that means for a very special man still living with his mother at the age of 27.

No ordinary fellow, Michael suffers from a rare debilitating disease called spinal muscular atrophy that has made him virtually immobile. He talks by tapping his thumb onto a small instrument that controls his computer -- recording his thoughts as words and giving him a spoken voice not his own. And yet, he's engaged in the most classic struggle of life -- how and when to gain your independence from your parents. His mother has been taking care of him his entire life. When his mother doesn't take care of him, accidents happen. Breathing tubes slip out, feeding tubes malfunction, and Mike's life hangs in the balance of human error.

But the urge to not become "a disability cliche" is great. He paints his nails black. Goes to tattoo conventions. Loves his girlfriend. Writes lovely, introspective notes (read by Johnny Depp, his choice for a voice; I cried, I'm not ashamed to say) about his life and his quest for independence. The immediacy of his experience and the utter strength in his voice and convictions caught me off guard. While the struggle, quite simply, to stay alive is a very real concern, Michael's spirit, for lack of a better word, comes across loud and clear, even if it does sound like Johnny Depp.

This American Life is the kind of television that kid over at Stuff White People Like loves to blog about. But I'd argue that in a world full of Oprah Winfrey (and I'm not knocking Oprah, believe me)-loving, Mitch Albom-book buying, The View-watching people, it becomes harder and harder to experience stories like in "Escape," ones that are real, relevant and utterly worthy of the energy it takes to create them.

The Struggle Of The Everyday March To Nowhere

This morning it was impossible to get out of bed. Last night it was impossible to concentrate. If I didn't know better I'd say I was having a bad disease day, but since the WG is in remission, I can't blame it. Which is too bad, considering I blame the disease for a lot -- like it's another person living inside of me that I can point a finger at and shout: "This, this is all YOUR fault and what are you going to do about it!"

I've been complaining (skip forward those of you who could care less) a lot about being tired. The Super Fancy Disease Doctor has ruled out the disease as the cause. Excellent, yes, but now what? The kidney doctor has always said it's just a modern-day plague. My family doctor (my my it's a lot of opinions, isn't it?) says it's probably the panic that's making me feel so tired. Putting your body through all that flight/fight stuff, the pain in my chest, the constant nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach, means that you're exhausted by the end of each day. And am I ever feeling it this week.

So far this week I've managed two pages of edits and with the two-thirds of my manuscript still to go, I'm already a full week past my deadline. But last night I wanted to burn (virtually) the entire project. Don't worry, I won't, but the urge to press delete and just get on with my life, accept the fact that I'll never publish the damn thing, was great. It was either that or quit my job because I certainly can't do two things at once and this giant split down the centre of my being is perhaps a little overwhelming.

Also, my hip hurts.

Blah complain blah tired blah frustrated blah de freaking blah.

Okay. Now that it's out of my system maybe I just need to go home and have a nap.

#31 - Airstream Land Yacht

I am counting Ken Babstock's Airstream Land Yacht as Newfoundland for The Canadian Book Challenge. I'm quite sure that's where he's originally from (if I remember correctly) and it's one of the titles John had listed in his own challenge suggestions. The poems, though, are so much more universal and can't really be defined by geography in the same way a novel can. They take inspiration from philosophy, from art, from literature, from other poets, from everyday life, from the stars, from the sea, from a whole host of interesting things that I will not be able to mention here, many I probably didn't even get.

Separated into four distinct parts (Air, Stream, Land and Yacht), the book's poems are deeply intriguing. It's been years since I've thought critically about poetry but even so that didn't diminish my enjoyment of the book. Perhaps in all the time since my Masters degree I've come to appreciate poetry a little for the pure beauty of how the words play together on the page. I'm also a little in love with the author's impressive use of contractions, of apostrophe "d's" and other whimsical ways of pushing the language to new heights.

If I had to pick just one favourite poem, it would be "Marram Grass" from the first section. A underlying sweetness pulls the piece along and it has stuck with me in the 10 days it's taken to read the collection. I tried to stop my habits of speeding through sentences and forcing my eyes to take the corners fast so I could enjoy each one in the way it should be read. Thoughtfully. Carefully. Over sustained periods of time left to look up and imagine what the poet's saying or how marvelous he is with vocabulary and language.

Highly recommended.

PHOTO IN CONTEXT: The cover from Anansi.ca.

READING CHALLENGES: This makes #9 for my Canadian Book Challenge. In terms of provinces, I've got: Manitoba, Nunavut, Nova Scotia and New Brunswick left.

WHAT'S UP NEXT: I'm already halfway through The Woman Who Waited. I should be done by tomorrow, it's a swift read.

The Royal Royalty

Yes, it's that time again. My royalty cheque landed in my mailbox today. There were smiles.

Ouch The Light

Much needed fun with old cronies from the place where I used to work led to a much later evening than I had anticipated. Which meant a slow start this morning but a revived outlook in terms of getting over the loneliness at work or maybe just ignoring it all together because I always expect it to be like it was, and it never will be. But isn't that always the case. Many new music suggestions with only beer memory and all I can remember is that the one half of Uncle Tupelo that became Wilco means there's another half out there that is apparently much, much better.

I've been reading poetry all week (Airstream Land Yacht) by Ken Babstock. Poetry and travel mean stopping in funny places to write. Like the middle of the street, halfway between University Left and Right, to make sure I caught this bit of something (or nothing, depending on how you look at it):

9:18 AM Dundas 505

A sturdy man sets his
coffee down on the floor
of the streetcar,
bravely flaunting his
knowledge of an
equation I fail to master
the teetering
balance of iron and gravity,
the dancing hips of the
machine en route
to deliver him, now awake
and alert, to a same-time,
same-day destination.

This morning. I am glad
to be late with time
still left to kill.

I think I have discovered that after I finish a big project I like to write poetry. Who'd a thunk? Another in a long list of embarrassing confessions I make here: I am now wearing a giant, over-sized Tom Green sweatshirt. One should never internet shop when one is a band widow on a reduced amount of sleep and under a deadline. But now that it's here, I do have to wear it, or else suffer the consequences.

EDITED TO ADD: The band is called Son Volt. Whew. That's one less thing to remember.

#30 - DeNiro's Game

Oh my, oh my, oh my, what a good book Rawi Hage has written. DeNiro's Game is my favourite of the two IMPAC books I've read so far, and it'll now become the benchmark to which I compare the rest of the shortlisted titles. It's unconventional structure, it's achingly lovely prose, and it's heartbreaking moments all catapult together to form a book that rockets along like gunfire from beginning to end.

The story of Bassam and his friend George, two boys who grow up in war torn Beirut to become men who survive as the bombs drop and people fall out of their lives and into graves at an alarming speed. The two boys, now young men, find their way with guns tucked into their pants, who make a living in ways that are so foreign to me that I often had to close my eyes and take a deep breath, and do far too many drugs (who could blame them?). Set into three distinct parts, 'Roma,' (where things in Bassam's imagination will still work out the way he hopes), 'Beirut,' (where life in a war zone becomes glaringly difficult), and 'Paris,' (where Bassam adapts to a different kind of life), the book remains riveting throughout.

For a first-time novelist, Hage's prose-poetic style of writing is effective, repeating phrases, images and inspired metaphors litter the pages, and his characters are strongly drawn. I didn't earmark as many pages as I thought I would, but I did find the following passage very moving:

Still I stood in the booth, looking with an empty gaze through the glass. I felt as if I could live inside of the book, feeling its borders, claiming it for myself. I pretended that I was talking on the phone, but all I wanted was to be in the booth. I wanted to stand there and watch every passerby, I wanted to justify my existence, and legitimize my foreign feet, and watch the people who passed and never bothered to look or wave.

If I have one teeny, tiny criticism, it might just be the overdone use of L'Etranger throughout the last third of the book. The parallels between the characters, sure, they're there, but I felt like it was the only stereotypical, oh-yeah-I-guessed-it aspect to the book.

PHOTO IN CONTEXT: You guessed it, just the jacket with a link back to Anansi (as pulled from their site), as I'm away from my camera this afternoon.

READING CHALLENGES: The second of my IMPAC books, Lebanon from Around the World in 52 Books, and if I were still needing to read Canada, the passing mention of Montreal (where the author resides now, I think) would have totally counted.

What 4AM Looks Like From The Inside Of My Eyeballs

Nada Surf coupled with a decaffeinated latte (it's all it takes) should keep me awake at least until the end of the workday when I will collapse into a lack-of-sleep lump in front of the television.

My deadline highlights the word "dead" if I keep going at this pace; the panic from knowing that I'm nowhere near finishing my edits and the fact that have trumped the "May 1st" from coast to coast is coming back to haunt me. Four weeks and only 80 pages and I have been working, I have. Tonight is the last night before I give away the book to the three other people in my so-called creative group (which is distinct from my writer's group in that it includes a supremely talented artist) tomorrow. Commas will be the death of me. So will run on sentences and a change in narrative voice. I want the m/s to hum like the guitar line in "Hi-Speed Soul." I want my friends to enjoy reading the book as much as I love the drum line in "Slow Nerve Action," but I'm afraid the book's more cobbled together at this point than anything else. And staying up until well past the witching hour didn't help.

It's hard to shut off your brain once it starts down a creative path that goes something like this:

1. I've always hated the title I attached to the book from the beginning. It felt bland and kind of meaningless and I've sat through enough publishing-type meetings to know that titles change all the time. Editors change titles too, make suggestions, and often improve what the writer has come up with.

2. Along comes Poetry Month. And catching up with Melanie's lovely blog where she posted this wicked poem that caught my attention. Hallelujah! A new title is born. And yes, I've already phrased my thank you should the book ever, ever be published.

3. But then last night I was reading and rereading the poem and I came upon a whole new structure for the book that will solve all kinds of chronological poems. See, brain, not turning off, and had to crawl out of bed to write it all down. The time I started: 12:30 AM.

4. Also, it's lovely to welcome someone home that you love, which meant that my schedule for the last week, work, home, cat-tending, quick dinner, editing, ragdoll-tv, was blown away. In a good way, meant that I started working late, ate even later, and went to bed well beyond my normal time. For a girl who has always had trouble sleeping, all that adds up to disaster. Oh, and the organic brownies at 10 PM didn't help. But they are so good. So good.

5. Fast forward to 2:30 AM and I'm still writing, soundless because I didn't want to wake up my RRHB who was sleeping in his own bed for the first time in a week. NOTE: the music quest has gone really, really well. So far, I've downloaded some Brian Eno that I quite like, added some world music (Ali Farke Toure), and of course, my new obsession, Nada Surf. NOTE REDUX: My RRHB openly mocked the fact that everyone on this earth has heard of this band except me. Keep the suggestions coming, I love them. It's good to give Wilco a rest every now and again.

6. Now I'm finally back in bed but it's 3:30 AM, just the time when Willie Pep wakes up and decides it's time for him to go outside. Walking on my head, walking on my legs, half-settling on my chest, and I'm out of bed again drinking Sleepytime tea and reading Huckleberry Finn.

7. 4 AM looks and sounds an awful lot like the three hours preceding it. Fluffy duvet, warm socks tucked into jogging pants, lots of deep breaths and I fall asleep finally until 6:55 AM. Now, I can barely keep myself propped up on my desk, but the book is definitely better for it.

Gosh, I've been making a lot of lists lately. TK momentarily, a review of DeNiro's Game, which I loved.

You Go Jo-Fran

You tell it like it is...completely alienating, like, the most important reviewer in the, like universe. Personal, much?

But it's an interesting point, the bit about no one doing serious criticism anymore. I wonder what would count as such?

The Post-Book Let Down

I heart Jacket Copy. Not only because it's an awesome blog, but also because it's obvious that it just gets book culture. Annnywaaay. Heh. Maybe after I've actually published a novel instead of just finishing a first draft of one, I'll comment further, but holy crap, did I ever fall apart once I was done after the initial elation.

Another Long List Of Things Not To Do

1. Wear brand-new shoes to a book launch. My pointe shoes from the last year of high school were less painful.

2. Thanks to all who offered up their music suggestions. I've made a list and am going to try out Last.fm to see what's going to stick. I've already found one record that I am enjoying very much from listening to concerts on All Songs Considered: Nada Surf's Lucky. It's most excellent. This is obviously a GOOD point, not a BAD point.

3. Watch the same, truly lame, film I watched last night. I'm not going to blather on about all that was wrong with it, except to say that it's a movie with parts based in Ireland, with characters who are Irish, and were there no actual Irish actors available? Only American actors with really bad accents, and one Scottish guy who had the worst accent of them all. It's as if he didn't even try. Someone said, "grand" and I threw up a little in my mouth. But whatever. The script contained lines like the following:

Person A: Where are all the good men then?

Person B: With all the wrong women.

Fast forward to a scene where Person B meets a handsome, interesting fellow and the conversation goes as such:

Person B: Where have you been all my life (seriously?)

Person C: With all the wrong women.

Gack.

4. Say goodbyes after having two glasses of wine and having no feeling in their feet. You'll really, really wish you could remember what you said.

5. Wake up slightly tired and kind of hungover and watch far, far too much Tom Green TV. If I were, ahem, younger, I might even consider making a ridiculous video and trying to get his RV to come to our cottage. But I am too old for that stuff. Plus, my RRHB would mock me mercilessly. As would many other people I know.

6. Leave your hand-written edits on your desk for your slightly troubled cat to rip to shreds with her teeth. Having the m/s open on the desk also leaves room for her to barf up a hairball or two, and then get her cat litter everywhere. It's not pretty. She needs constant management. Ah, pets.

7. Forget one of your best friend's birthday for the, um, third year in a row. Luckily, I have written myself a giant note and pasted in on the monitor so I have to look at it everyday.

8. Have a sore throat and have no throat tea. Everyone (coworkers, RRHB) is sick around me, which means it's just a matter of time. I feel decidedly under the weather today, my throat is killing me and I'm not happy about it. Oh, and the farking TTC went on strike.

Perhaps it's not such a long list.

I Am So Over You American Idol

Because you kicked off my favourite contestant, like, ever.

A List Of Things One Should Not Do

1. One should not drink three beers and then scream "mouse" in a crowded restaurant. It's not that there wasn't a mouse (there was; he scurried) but it could have upset people who would be less than thrilled about said rodent in the same place where they're eating. Hence the hushing and talking-to by management.

2. Edit while intoxicated. It makes notation quite messy, although does inspire a feeling of acting like Carson McCullers and wanting a flask. Somehow, I think though that beer would not keep quite right in a flask.

3. Drink three beers on the night before meeting an author at the ungoshly hour of 9 AM. Also, don't wear new shoes, trip over your purse, and then tumble into a stack of books on your desk that then falls to the floor. Because that's not embarrassing AT ALL.

4. Wear a white shirt on a day that you're tired. It's just asking for trouble.

5. Ponder the fact that you'd come across not one but two people named Calvin within the space of 12 hours, note that that doesn't even include the one whose name is tattooed on your underwear, and act truly goofy when you try to tell the story of running into all these cavalcades of Calvins. People will look at you strangely.

6. Attempt to watch PS I Love You after drinking three beers and eating nachos. Harder liquor might be required.

7. Try to read so late at night that the same paragraph feels fresh and new despite going over it at least seven times. It's not your fault DeNiro's Game, I promise. I am liking you very much.

8. Forget to feed your cats in the morning because your RRHB is away recording and not there to do it.

9. Buy a pair of shoes (they were on sale) that seemed to fit in the store but certainly were not comfortable by the time you got them home. Thus, ensuring the truly attractive "tube-sox" method of stretching them out so they won't mangle your feet at the book launch tonight.

10. Forget to bring an extra post-breakfast snack to work because it means you're starving and unable to concentrate by 11 AM. A quick trip to Noah's solved that problem.

11. Wear brown makeup. See #4.

12. Bring an umbrella and then promptly leave it at your desk before going outside.

13. Openly mock. You're just asking for karma to come and bite you on the ass. But sometimes it's hard when two ad guys get into the elevator with you, obviously pumped up on their ad brilliance, and swear like truckers. How do you keep quiet in your head? How do you not smirk?

14. Imagine, blissfully, having a sandwich for dinner because it's awesome. See #8.

15. Squish your brain so hard to try and remember the name of the documentary a friend recommended at lunch a couple weeks ago so that you almost run into oncoming traffic at Yonge and Bloor. It would be an easy question to answer in an email, but somehow, you don't want to seem stupid or like you weren't paying attention. Hence, the brain squishing.

16. Not fully read the emails before forwarding them along.

17. Listen to this trailer. The song, the song will get in your head for hours, days, weeks. It's not a bad thing, but when you're already tired, songs seem to echo in your head in ways that make you quite uncomfortable.

18. Make inane lists on your blog.

19. Drink massive amounts of licorice tea. Just trust me on that one.

20. Put your head down on your desk and try to act like you're not hungover from the three beers and amazing conversation.

21. One thing to do: openly mock your own self yesterday when you show up for work with full-on rocker girl hair. Evidence that it is so? The 45+ dude with his own layered and longish hair wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt under his jean jacket giving you a smile at 9 PM on Landsdowne Ave last night. Party on Garth. Party on Wayne. Two words: awe and some.

Oh, and Barney? And Robin? Wha?

November (Rice Lake)

[I don't think this one is quite done yet; still percolating]

A passing glance at the calendar
leads to hours spent flipping photos
examining the evidence of your existence

Your birthday--one of the few things I recall--
along with the smell of your cigarettes, how
you slapped my ass that one day, and your
prickly, adolescent chin.

I fell for the softness of your skin,
gentle like the lake water, Diego Luna,
Pacey, my Trip Fontaine, all the boys
of an over-active imagination.

Our time ran out like a rainstorm: quick, fierce
and uncontrollable on my part, lying in wait with no
sun to pass through.

It rains today. The same kind of rain,
thick, crisp like toast, and I crave an Export A,
Jay's hotbox BMW, and the sour smell of your ball cap,
but the cold shoulder of my youth has passed.

Music To Write To

I am dire need of some new music to write to. Does anyone else out there need a writing soundtrack? I feel like I've played every song in my iTunes 100 times and I'm still coming up short. April as poetry month is totally inspiring me.

I finally tracked down the folder that had all the drafts of the poems I worked on during the one class I took with Ken Babstock, many of which were on the computer that was stolen from our house two years ago. In my insanity, I had printed many, many of them up many times, so at least I've got copies, and I've been going through them tonight. A part of me wants to post all of them, just to see which ones are more successful than others, but I'll exercise restraint and keep going with the poem a day (I missed yesterday, so that's why there are two posted tonight).

The air's warm. The candles smell yummy. We ordered pizza for dinner. And I feel like my fingers could go all night. So instead of posting all of my cycle, 12 poems based on each (you guessed it) month in a year, I give you a highly illegal version of a William Carlos Williams poem that knocks me to my knees every single time I read it:

Nantucket
(William Carlos Williams 1883-1963)

Flowers through the window
lavender and yellow

changed by white curtain--
Smell of cleanliness--

Sunshine of late afternoon--
On the glass tray

a glass pitcher, the tumbler
turned down, by which

a key is lying -- And the
immaculate white bed.

February

[One for yesterday and one for today. But this one's for Sam. She'll appreciate it.]

The recipe called for confectioner’s sugar
Dusty, super-sweet, and melting on top of your tongue
Light as a natural laugh and a joke that’s easy to remember.

We all secretly yearn to avoid the middle of every month,
Not just this one. Would it mean more or mean less?
Days later, I wrapped my legs around you and squeezed tight.

An arrow of lipstick painted my mouth the same colour as dessert,
And I giggled. We mocked wounded hearts together; then
Missed our main course to be home and watch Law & Order.

Satiated by the addition of extra cream, I was happy,
And added a heavy, over-burdened teaspoon of Mexican vanilla,
Both uncalled for, and the dish all the better for it.

January (My Violent Heart)

The temperature dropped the day I left;
hours later I smelled cinnamon and saffron,
my nose, assaulted by warm air

(but not in a way I felt violated)

The sheets tried to hard to achieve a
balance between home and away,
and gave me large, angry hives.

("A vacation," he said, "would restore your health)

I took the news hard, my heart
stamped and packed down hard,
sand on a beach, snow underfoot

(the waves violated an all-inclusive order)

There's nothing worse than a tourist
who doesn't want to tour the ruins
of a most important relationship.

(I still avoid salt water)

I saw you, you who had been mine,
with your hand wrapped in hers,
with bow-like accuracy

(Violence against self excluded from the air fare)

Raced half-way around the world
to realise that the weather
did not improve the mood.

(Sunshine to sun visor to sunscreen)

Damn you and those intertwining
fingers that will never do
what I will forever want them to.

#29 - Unaccustomed Earth

Jhumpa Lahiri's latest book of short stories, Unaccustomed Earth, could possibly be the best book I've read so far this year. Achingly beautiful prose echoes through each of the stories, and they all have such a resounding and impressive narrative voice that it's impossible to put the book down once you've begun. The stories are as rich and inherently detailed as the best novels aspire to be, which just goes to show that Lahiri's skills as a storyteller are paramount. She's one of the best writers working in English today. I know that's a bold statement, but I'd put forth that she rivals Alice Munro when it comes to ensuring that the form of the short story isn't relegated to beginner's classes and college literary journals. The work is powerful, passionate, cutting and emotionally driven. And while each of her stories work with similar themes, first and second generation East Indian families in America, they're also each distinct both in terms of their internal rhythms and the morals that drive the narratives forward.

In the first half of the book, Lahiri doesn't really play with form. The stories are straightforward in the sense that they don't play with time or traditional methods of storytelling, but they are rich in character development, and they do ache with the everyday heartbreak of life. In the second half of Unaccustomed Earth, Lahiri has written three linked stories. The first two use the second person, which I was resistant to at first, but once I read the last few pages of the book, I understood her choice. You will too. It's these three linked tales, stories of Hema and Kaushik, characters linked by a common childhood, that will crush your reading soul in the same way any good book should. I don't want to give anything away so I won't say anything more about them, just to reiterate that to appreciate them is to appreciate writing at its finest.

PHOTO IN CONTEXT:If I have one criticism, it's that I'm really not fond of the book's jacket. Hence no photo, although I guess I could have taken a picture to make it seem less, well, boring.

READING CHALLENGES: I don't think I've read an American author yet for my Around the World in 52 Books. This would be a great one to read for the States. It's a rich canvas, writing from the perspective of immigrants to the great and fascinatingly flawed country. And while I had Dennis Johnson's book in mind. I'm going to count this instead. Even if the setting is somewhat secondary to the character development, in a sense, it's defining of it too, place defines these characters as much as it marginalizes them; it changes their lives from the moment the plane touches down and new homes are built. But it's also a fascinating study of the idea of what it means to be a part of a second generation in the U.S. How different their lives are from their parents, how charged with being both American and Indian can be, how important it is for history to change perspective.

WHAT'S UP NEXT: I was reading Huckleberry Finn on the ride home (I finished Unaccustomed Earth on a hard cement bench outside of The Bay after having a quick bagel with Sam before heading back up to the craziness that is work these days). But I'm not sure if I'll continue. Maybe, like I said the other day, I'll finish The Sealed Letter tonight.

The Sunday Times

[another unfinished fragment]

I fold myself out,
read all the sections, and
hold my hand over the horoscope.

Stain my fingertips with newsprint,
until I am classified by headlines,
inches per story, and unreadable bylines.

Sunday Afternoon

What a full day:

1. I am halfway through Jhumpa Lahiri's absolutely amazing Unaccustomed Earth. They are short stories that read as rich as a novel.

2. We grocery shopped, went for brunch, bought some second-hand spring clothes, visited the health food store and finally made it home, both exhausted.

3. Ah, Coronation Street. You're like a salve on a wound. What ARE you thinking Ashley?

4. Gillian Welch, The Revelator, as above. Bless her soul indeed.

5. Editing is a long and painful process. But at least I've got pretty toes. The local nail salon has pedicures for $20.00. Seriously, it's the best money I've spent in weeks. Pretty toes do wonders for your self-esteem. I don't care how girlie that seems.

6. Taking your meds three days late is never a good idea. I can barely stomach sitting up. Silly ragdoll.

A List Of Cliches

[An unfinished fragment; an unfinished thought]

Red roses from a first love years later.
Two separate prom nights: ignored entirely,
dumped days before; golden high school culminates,
in a fumbled pass at virginity.
Abandoned one life for the next and never fit in,
then fell down for all the wrong reasons.

#28 - The Attack

Yasmina Khadra's The Attack explodes even before it starts. The first few pages describe a woman's first-hand experience with a bomb in Tel Aviv. Her husband, the story's narrator, Amin, is a surgeon at the local hospital, and it's only after a long shift sorting through the casualties after the bomb that he finds out about his wife's death. For Amin, though, this is just the beginning of the tragedy. It soon comes to light that it was Amin's wife, Sihem, who wore the bomb that caused the blast. The revelation that his wife became a suicide bomber, a fanatic, someone so unlike the woman he thought he married, turns his life upside down.

Unconvinced that he's heard even an inch of the full story, Amin turns his back on the entire life he's built in Tel Aviv, pushed away by angry neighbours, by the pressures of a racially charged situation, he retraces his wife's last steps. And as many know, when loved ones keep secrets, it's never easy to learn the truth.

The Attack is a powerful novel, it cuts to the heart of the trouble in the Middle East and portrays a man unable to find himself, he turns his back on his own tribe only to find that it's just as impossible to fit into the society he's chosen. Despite the urgent nature of the narrative, the dialogue feels clunky to the point of didacticism. You get the feeling that Khadra's writing a very important book, but on the whole I felt the novel missed a slight emotional edge. That said, I was utterly engrossed in the story from the very first, most excellent, sentence: "I don't remember hearing an explosion."

Amin's journey is heartbreaking, difficult and, in some ways, unbearably pointless. It's easy to criticize the awkward storytelling, but absolutely impossible to take the author's motivation, if I can be so bold as to address it, to task. It's a raw, honest book that wants to open up a discussion about the very real issues driving the conflict. In that sense, it's terribly successful. And my criticism about the dialogue aside, there are some wonderful bits of prose in the book, and here's just one of the many passages I marked:

The bottom's no good for anybody. In this kind of implosion, if you don't react very quickly, you lose control of absolutely everything. You become a spectator of your own collapse, and you don't realize that the abyss is about to close over you forever.

PHOTO IN CONTEXT: Simply the book sitting on my desk, no biggie. I am excited about the fact that in a few weeks I'll be back to taking pictures of the books in context at the cottage. Goodness, I miss the cottage.

READING CHALLENGES: I had The Swallows of Kabul on my Around the World in 52 Books last year and only managed to get halfway through the first third of the novel. This year, I had it back again, but am replacing it with The Attack. Because Yasmina Khadra (the nom de plume for Mohammed Moulessehoul) was born in Algeria, I'll cross off that country, despite the fact that the novel takes place in the Middle East. It's also the first of eight books in the IMPAC Challenge. I didn't realize that The Swallows of Kabul was also nominated for the IMPAC, so it's nice to see this book on the shortlist as well.

WHAT'S UP NEXT: Until the packages from Amazon arrive with the rest of the books in the challenge, I'll probably dive into a classic or finish Emma Donoghue's latest, The Sealed Letter.

Accidental Wilderness

We watched great machines roll
the stones out as they packed in
the dirt. Waited, until the birds
came back and could be identified.

While the trees sprouted,
and grew into one another,
underground vines trundling down into
hand-made earth, and held fast.

Balanced by the moment, we
could no longer find the path.
By crossing our left and right together,
we climbed out the way we came.

The IMPAC Challenge

Quinn left a comment on a book post a little while ago when I was asking for summer reading suggestions. He had a fabulous one, one that I've already started. Said he:

"dude! we can be on the pretend jury for the Impac prize and try to get through the 8 novels on this year's shortlist in the next 2 months".

Of course, I think this is a fab idea, considering that a) my all-time favourite book of last year, Out Stealing Horses, was an IMPAC winner, and b) it's quite an international list, which means 52 Countries books as well. Also, I like that librarians all around the world nominate the books, even if a jury does do the final deliberations, and let's not forget to mention it's the richest literary prize in the whole damn world.

Here are the 8 shortlisted books for the International IMPAC Dublin Literary Award:

1. The Speed of Light by Javier Cercas
*This will also count as Spain

2. The Sweet and Simple Kind by Yasmine Gooneratne
*This will count as Sri Lanka

3. DeNiro's Game by Rawi Hage
*This will count as Lebanon, as Hage was born in Beirut.

4. Dreams of Speaking by Gail Jones
*This would have been Australia if I hadn't already read the amazing Tim Winton.

5. Let it be Morning by Sayed Kashua
*This will count as Israel

6. The Attack by Yasmina Khadra
*This will be Algeria
Finished on Saturday, April 19th, 2008

7. Winterwood by Patrick McCabe

8. The Woman Who Waited by Andrei Makine

So there you have it, all eight titles, many of which I'm having a heck of a time getting in Canada. Right now I've started with The Attack (Quinn's already one book ahead of me) and once my package arrives from Amazon.ca with The Speed of Light, The Woman Who Waited, and DeNiro's Game, I'll at least have half the titles I need. The rest I'm going to try to track down this weekend.

UPDATED TO ADD: Winterwood, Let It Be Morning, and Dreams of Speaking are coming from Amazon.co.uk. That just leaves one title, The Sweet and Simple Kind, that I can't seem to buy anywhere.

A Mottled, Freckled Heart

Thursday begins as
one of those days
where my heart feels
as mottled as my skin

Freckled, sun damaged
scarred from old injuries
(a finger in a vacuum cleaner)
pock marked and
aged beyond its years.

#27 - Coventry

I reviewed this over at The Savvy Reader for work. Good grief, Helen Humphreys is a great writer.

Wider Sidewalks

Sam and M are doing poems this month, and I've been lax in mine even though I said to both of them I thought a poem a day was a good idea. At least I've managed one:

Wider Sidewalks

Today already feels outmoded,
antennas on roofs,
a last sip in the bottle,
a frowned-upon plastic bag,
even if the sun remains.

#26 - Rilla Of Ingleside

When I was creating the list of books for The Canadian Book Challenge, I thought it would be prudent to include a title from L.M. Montgomery because of the whole 100th anniversary of Anne celebration. The book I originally picked was Anne of the Island, which I had chosen because I thought it was the one about the First World War. Obviously, my memory's a bit murky, considering I read all these books when I was about 10 years old, because the book I really wanted to read was Rilla of Ingleside (as I discovered in the bookstore).

Of course, I remembered next to nothing about the book, so the whole reading experience was quite a surprise. It's easy to see how all of the Anne books are so beloved, Montgomery has a way with characters and plot that flow like good conversation. You don't care if the point of view flops all over the place, aren't bothered by the funny little quirks in her writing, don't mind that people float in and out of Ingelside with alarming frequency. There's a heart to the books that's so warm, inviting and, frankly, comforting that they act like the best of one's childhood memories. You know those parts of you that were shaped by the person you were when you read Anne in the first place.

Rilla of Ingleside follows Anne's youngest child, a free-spirited, surprisingly (in her words) unmotivated young woman from just before the war starts, through her miraculous changes otherwise known as growing up, to the months following the Armistice. Rilla's adventures, her war baby (adopted), her Junior Red Cross moments, the lively cast of characters that inhabit her family home, they all combine to create a whimsical world I was happy to be lost in this week. The landscape reveals as much about the book as the spirit of the people in it, and I think it's a huge part of the success of these novels.

I was listening to the CBC on Saturday afternoon when Ian Brown and guests were talking about Allison Pick's poetry collection, The Dream World. While I haven't read it, I was intrigued by their discussion around a line in one of the poems that describes the narrator knowing how she all about condoms and but not trees (I am doing a terrible disservice to Pick's work right now and I do realize that; I'm sorry), and that idea stuck with me. It's exactly the opposite in Montgomery's work. She knows the plants, the trees, the hills, the water, the birds, the flowers, the bushes, the rocky paths, and that's what brings the landscape to life, what makes it seem alive. In truth, it's the heart of the books.

PHOTO IN CONTEXT: Just the cover, I'm afraid, and how very 1983. Awesome.

READING CHALLENGES: As I mentioned, it's PEI, and the 8th book I've read for The Canadian Book Challenge. That means 5 to go!

Must Turn Off The TV

Must stop watching Veronica Mars.

#25 - Bringing Home the Birkin

My, my, my, my, my, the lives some people live! They are absolutely fascinating, and Michael Tonello's is certainly no exception. His witty, charming, and butter-smooth memoir, Bringing Home the Birkin sucked me in and wouldn't let me go until I had finished the very last page. No word of a lie, I started the book on the subway ride home last night and read the rest throughout the day (I had to send the author questions for an interview we're doing).

After Michael makes a drastic change in his life, giving up his lucrative and stable life in the United States for Barcelona, Spain, he finds himself making an eBay auction living buying and selling rare Hermès products. From scarves to pottery, if he can find it and it's rare, he'll sell it. But it's not until he realizes the desperate need for the rich and richer to own a Birkin that his business flourishes. Waiting list? What waiting list? Tonello discovers a fool-proof method for buying Birkins, and works it around the world. Literally. The man travels to major cities all around the globe that contain Hermès stores, makes connections with other bag-buyers, and becomes an industry in and of himself.

There's little not to love about Tonello's warm, chatty writing style, his adventurous spirit, and his entrepreneurship. Bringing Home the Birkin is that rare piece of nonfiction that zips along like the best commercial novel, and it would make perfect summer reading, whether you're urban-bound or lazing about at the cottage, it's so easy to get caught up in his world you'll be transported either way.

#24 - Consolation

Consolation, Michael Redhill's compelling novel with its story within a story, was the book all of Toronto should have read back in February. I think it was part of that whole "Keep Toronto Reading" promotion that went on for the month. As I am generally behind when it comes to city-wide celebrations, I have just managed to finish Consolation, which is also my Ontario selection for The Canadian Book Challenge. I realize it's April. I hope that it still counts.

The book starts off with a bit of a shocker, one that I don't want to spoil, so I'll skip talking about it, and go straight to what I liked best: the balancing of the story of old Toronto, with its central character an apothecary named Hallam who comes from England in the mid-1850s to open up a pharmacy here in the city, with that of the modern day (well, 1997) as told around an urban geologist named David, whose family becomes involved in the very last project he was trying to unearth, a set of very early photographs of the city taken by our historical hero. Is that confusing? It shouldn't be -- the book's epic storytelling makes it quite easy to flow from one time period to the next.

The history in this book, the detail, and the exquisite storytelling, all had me on the edge of my seat more than once. In both cases, the parts of the book that takes place in 1997 and that in the 1850s, the narrators are outsiders. Men on the cusp of something, of success, of family, of their own careers, which make their experiences unique and engaging. It's a hefty book, but the pace is swift, and Redhill's obvious skill as a poet means his prose is both lyrical and inventive at the same time.

I did find the ending a bit muddy but by that point I didn't care as much about the perfection of the story; I was already embroiled in the absolutely delicious tale of Hallam and his cohorts. In the end, I'd say that I enjoyed the historical parts of the novel a touch more than the parts set in a more modern age. But Redhill's book can absolutely stand the test of time in terms of becoming a quintessential novel about this city in which we live. It's up there with In the Skin of a Lion, with Fugitive Pieces, with Cat's Eye, and others. Highly recommended.

READING CHALLENGES: As I mentioned, I'm through Ontario! That leaves six more books to go before July 1st. Goodness, I'd best pick up the pace.

Should I Take This Personally?

Is my blog boring?

Saturday Morning

Sleep seems to avoid me on the days that I take the needle. So that meant that I was up for a long time last night just lying in bed feeling so tired but not being able to actually fall asleep. Eventually I did, and even without any kind of pharmaceuticals, but I woke up at 6:30 again this morning and now I'm yawning as I'm typing.

The sunshine looks glorious from our bedroom window, it shoots inside and forms a arrow-like pattern on the wall, a reflection from the house next door, so bright and yellow that it made me want to get up and bask in it for a while. My RRHB is still sleeping. Later, we're heading to a friend's for brunch, and then we're going to go buy lighting fixtures for our hallway.

Yesterday, when I came home, my RRHB and Zesty's Marine had done so much work on the house I was actually taken aback. The whole main floor has taken shape now, and we have a brand new, incredibly level ceiling along with the beginnings of a new wall. Within the next few weeks there will be paint on the drywall, and all kinds of trim, as much as possible before the hardwood floors come at the end of May when I'm in Paris. And when I come home from Paris, I will come home to new floors. Thrilling.

I don't know how to put into words the lightness of my mood these past few days. It's not something I'm used to, as if with the snow disappearing, it's melted a lot of my personal worry along with it. And it's not to say that there aren't very real and very upsetting things happening at the same time, but it's kind of magical when you're not frustrated with your work, with the work at home, with the state of your house, with loneliness, with disease, with side effects from the medicine (which I'm decreasing steadily), with the idea of nothing ever changing. There are subtle bits and pieces of every part of my life in good places these days, and for the very first time, maybe ever, I'm not worried about it all coming crashing down. Last week was hard. But that's okay too, because when I needed it, the help was there. A girl couldn't ask for more. Whether it was a note of support here, a held hand in the food court, a joke, a bit of compassion from those who know me best, it all combined to help me understand the world a little differently.

Colm Tóibín Well On The Way To Becoming An Honourary Canadian

He's a guest curator for the IFOA this year and judging the Giller. He lurvs us.

Woe Is Me

My mind is all over editing these days. It's all I'm thinking about. Much to the detriment of, well, my life because:

1. I forgot my wallet at home this morning. Now I have to scrounge around in my purse for enough change to take the subway home. Walking all the way is not an option.

2. Said purse is a giant, girl-sized mess containing tea, loose tylenol tablets, a notebook, a hair elastic, another hairband thingy, bubblegum, tea, American money, a map of NYC, actual garbage, TTC transfers, and lip balm.

3. I keep bringing shoes to work and forgetting to take them home. Currently, the collection sits at 7 pairs.

4. We've booked our apartment in Paris but need to wire transfer money. How does that even work?

5. It's been a week of meetings which means I don't have my normal amount of headphone time. I miss it. No Radio 2, no NPR, no loud pop music.

6. There's a pile of work magazines on my desk that's almost a metre tall. I'm exaggerating, but still...

7. It's beautiful and sunny outside but a bit chilly. Therefore, a crucial button fell off my raincoat. I have cold boobs.

8. Tulips have sprung in my garden at home. Gardening is so not my thing but I sure love the tips of the little green buggers coming out.

9. Consolation is an excellent novel.

10. When will it be warm?

#23 - The Age of Innocence

Edith Wharton's classic might have just moved onto my "best books I've ever read in my life" list. I've been quoting from the novel for days. The Age of Innocence won the Pulitzer in 1921, and it's easy to see how and why the book is included in the 1001 Books list.

Newland Archer, our hero, devotee of upper class New York society in the age following the Civil War, finds himself torn between the life he imagined, the proper life, the expected life, and his passion, which comes in the form of his fiance May's cousin, the mysterious Countess Olenska. Already standing outside society, the Countess has left her brute of a European husband and returned to the bosom of her family. Archer, a lawyer and all-round saviour of a man, becomes enlisted in the cause to resurrect her standing, and falls in love with her along the way.

Wharton's tone is pitch perfect, and her narrative shows no signs of age, but it's still as if the book is frozen in time, the descriptions are vivid, the characters redolent of the period, and the story heartbreaking. It's great storytelling told by a master of the form.

Two more quotes, and then I'll spoil no more of the book for you:

"...[F]or a moment they continued to hold each other's eyes, and he that saw her face, which had grown very pale, was flooded with a deep inner radiance. His heart beat with awe: he felt that he had never before beheld love visible."

"Something he knew he had missed: the flower of life. But he thought of it now as a thing so unattainable and improbable that to have repined would have been like despairing because one had not drawn the first prize in the lottery."

Ah, if only the goal of self-satisfaction was so still utterly admired as unachievable in our post-post modern thoughts.

PHOTO IN CONTEXT: The book on top of its 1001 Books entry on my desk.

READING CHALLENGES: The first of the two 1001 Books Challenge titles I'm supposed to read in April, which brings my score to 154. Yee-haw!

WHAT'S UP NEXT: Consolation by Michael Redhill and The Ravine by Paul Quarrington. And maybe I'll get back to War and Peace. But really? Who am I kidding? Anyone have recommendations for Summer reading?

#22 - The Private Lives Of Pippa Lee

I've been banging on about Rebecca Miller for days now, ever since I started reading her new novel, which is coming out in August, for work. The Private Lives of Pippa Lee tells the story of a woman, the protagonist of the book's title, who marries a much older man, Herb, and starts a new life with him. Of all of my favourite things about this novel (and that list is endless), the fact that the narrative is so utterly surprising and goes in places you absolutely would not suspect endlessly impressed me as I read.

Here are 2 things that happened to me on my journey with Pippa Lee: I read in the elevator. Yes, I realize it's silly as I'm only on the 20th floor, but that's at least 2-3 minutes, which can be pages. I not only missed my floor but didn't notice the elevator was heading down instead of up before I realized I forgot to get off. "Oh well," I thought, and kept on reading. The VERY SAME day, I almost missed my subway stop and barely made it out of the doors before they crushed me in an iron grip, brushed myself off, and continued to read as I walked up the stairs and out on to Lansdowne. The book is that engrossing and entertaining.

It's just my kind of novel: swift, smart, acerbic, completely unpredictable and kind of kooky. I love Pippa. She's adventurous and damaged, a mythical combination, and I didn't want it to end.

Here's an interview with the author, Rebecca Miller. She rocks. She's talking about the filmed adaptation of the book coming out in 2009 starring Robin Wright Penn:

Edith Wharton On The Way In Redux...

Oh, Newland: "He had married (as most young men did) because he had met a perfectly charming girl at the moment when a series of rather aimless sentimental adventures were ending in premature disgust; and she had represented peace, stability, comradeship, and the steadying sense of an unescapable duty."

But then: "He simply felt that if he could carry away the vision of the spot of earth she walked on, and the way the sky and sea enclosed it, the rest of the world might seem less empty."

And you'd guess that he's not referring to his wife. Such is the way of love.