Bad Disease Day

Sunday started off so well, the Rock and Roll Boyfriend and I had an early night on Saturday, and so we were both well rested. I woke up this morning with lots of energy feeling pretty good about my plans for the day. Meeting two lovely ladies for brunch, having great conversations, feeling good about all the wonderful stuff happening these days and then--bam! Bad disease day comes on in a wave.

That's the thing with this medication, and with the disease in general, I don't necessarily feel sick, not like you feel when you've got a cold or the flu, all achy and feverish. I feel run down and tired, because my immune system isn't necessarily working as it should, but I can't see or feel the disease necessarily. It exists somewhere in my blood, my bones, my being, but it doesn't overcome me until I'm really sick.

But lately, the drugs are making me sicker and sicker. It seems the slightest bit of nothing will throw my stomach off and I'll be so ill I'm afraid I might pass out or pass, ahem, in the other direction. There are times that I'm very upset that I let myself get sick again, after each flare up, I swear it's going to be the last time I let the stress get out of control; but every few years when I stop taking care of myself and get carried away in certain things that don't really have anything to do with my real life, I end up sick. And it makes me mad, because then I feel like the damn disease is controlling my life, and not me.

So, after a wonderful brunch, I've been feeling sick all day unable to do much other than type slowly and feel like being ill. Bad diesese day.